Community and connection is the antidote to so many of our individual and collective struggles. How does one find and create resonant community and connection?

Here are some ideas:

1. For some people the first step to finding a resonant community is identifying the desire underneath possible defenses to true connection. Being with the desire. Grieving the “death of the village” in our very western "individuated" society. 
2. The more in resonance you are with yourself, the more resonant humans will find you. “Be yourself, so the people meant for you can find you.” Work on creating integration, congruence, and connection with yourself, and you will meet others doing the same.
3. BE a friend. If you want a friend, be a friend. If you want love, be love, if you want abundance, be abundance. Be. Do. Have. Be the community you desire. Even if it’s just for your own parts inside. Be your own friend. Kabbalah says that when you look for what you can share, more than what you can “get”, you always , always benefit and are blessed. 
4. Take risks. Go to that retreat. Attend that group. Host the party. Invite yourself. Say the thing. Allow yourself to be seen. Invite others in, Say how you feel. Open your heart. Allow yourself to be rejected. Go out there and ask, be, become, share. Go where your heart wants to go. Create possibilities for yourself. Life is short. Wear your heart on your sleeve, open and allow. (and it’s ok to be discerning and close when you need, your energy is precious!).
5. Initial awkward or cringe does not always mean anything. Don't make meaning of everything. Don’t take things so personally. Most of the time, other people's moods are not about us. Learn about boundaries, have them respect others boundaries, have them, respect other boundaries, respect yourself. Whatever you do, stay with your inner being. Don’t abandon yourself. That’s the secret for being relational in a way that is vital for your spirit. 
6. A key to longevity in relationships is imperfection tolerance. “The ability to accept and appreciate” (barring abuse) others differences, humanity, quirks. To forgive, be relational, communicate non-violently, and let things go. Imperfection tolerance applies to the Self as well!
7. When you love yourself, and are oriented to the love in the universe, you are full. The energy of fullness is attractive to bringing in MORE fullness.
   “You can search through the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection” - Buddha
8. Pray. Pray to Hashem, God, the Universe, to bring you the community and the connection you desire. The universe wants what you want.
   Here is an example of a prayer I say:
   God, please allow me to connect with resonant souls in reciprocal, loving, truthful, and mutually beneficial ways. Please allow these connections to be easy, loving, respectful, wholesome, kind, authentic, spacious and fulfilling.
   Please allow these connections to bring more light, love, truth, beauty, and goodness to the world. 
9. When we allow ourselves to FEEL our longing for belonging, we can also initiate ourselves into being a catalyst for change. To “be the change we desire in the world, in our lives, for ourselves and others” As Francis Weller says, “for many of us we spend our lives seeing to belong, but at some point we have to become the pace of welcome “ 
10. Heal, so you can learn to see the world, others, your own self, not through the filter of your wound, but through the clear mirror of your (and their) soul.
    Notice how much of this work is in an inside job. When we heal, we re-write a new story in our unconscious and feel more safe (and ARE more safe) to be a part of the collective.
    

A client asked me last week:

"Rivky, I know connection is the antidote to so many of my struggles... but how do I find and create the possibility of connection?"

I created this post to start unpacking this important topic

Which slide do you resonate with?

I'd love to connect with you about connection.

Where does it feel good, where does it feel sticky?

Do any of these slides land for you or support you?

Do you have any more tips for other people reading the comments to add here?

I know that if you are a human, you find resonance with the "longing to belong" whether present for you, or deep in your unconscious it is a need wired into each person on this earth.

Thank you to my friends, clients, and soul/chosen family. You are my people, thank you for learning with me about life.