Working on boundaries and relationships
A PERSPECTIVE SHIFT
SPACE FROM VS. SPACE FOR:
In relationships, like life, there is moving and shifting and flowing. It's only natural. If we are moving with the tides, there may be times in relationships that we may need to take space from others. This can be as subtle as speaking less about negative things or gossiping with them and as much as choosing to completely be no contact with someone.
Space is a very important thing and a need in every relationship. People may take space for many reasons. Perhaps to preserve intimacy, to create more time to work through a dynamic on their own, to go outside and take a breath during a moment of tension, to do inner work, to rest, to return to their own essence or energy field or any other reason. (Sometimes in extreme situations one has to create a complete separation to create safety for the Self if they are in an unsafe situation or dynamic.) Space is a medicine for relationships and the space in between is where intimacy flourishes and grows.
I find that when we focus on the reason we are making space FOR as opposed to what we are making space FROM the space can become such a powerful portal for love and connection in relationships. Imagine needing to take space from a partner to work through a difficult emotion and instead of: stonewalling, ignoring, yelling, projecting, silence treatment or saying "I need space from you because you are not safe, you are bad, you are wrong, you hurt me" You would instead say to yourself or the other: "I'm taking space because I feel hurt and that feels scary inside. I'm taking space SO THAT I can return to myself, and then to you in Love and Connection." How powerful can that be?
Next time you feel the need for space, consider considering: "What am I taking space FOR, at least as much (if not more) than what am I taking space FROM?" The perspective shift that gets to open and create in relationships is immense, learning to be relational is learning that love never goes away, it just lives right underneath the fear, pain, hurt, triggers, mistakes and misunderstandings. Even if you are considering to be no contact with someone for safety reasons consider what you are taking space FOR - for the sacredness, reverence, safety and love of YOU! How special is that?!
Other examples of this in more situations can be:
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Space in BUSINESS: Taking space FROM can look like: "I'm burnt out, I need vacation, I can't manage, I'm depleted etc." Taking space FOR can look like: "I'm choosing rest and to slow down so that I can focus on myself and return to my passion with energy and drive."
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Space with your CHILDREN: Taking Space FROM can look like: "I need a break from them, they tire me out and are so depleting. I'm also feeling so guilty that I have these feelings and can't be ON all the time." Taking space FOR can look like: "I'm an important person too and I'm worthy of rest and reset. Taking a moment to breathe, a vacation, a night away, or some time and space gives me the time I need to resource and recalibrate and my children will only benefit from that."
Remember FOR vs. FROM Remember the WHY
It will become so much more empowering, wholesome, relational and connecting for you and your relationships and the space between it all. It's a reframe of what boundaries really are: a Portal for Love. Love for Self and how that naturally spills over to others.
