The window of tolerance is the capacity one has to stay with a feeling while still remaining present and embodied.

The concept of the window of tolerance is based on the idea that everyone has a range of emotional experiences that they can comfortably process, integrate, feel, be with." The window of tolerance expands or contracts based on many factors including but not limited to: past traumatic experience, if a person is resourced in the present moment, developmental trauma, if childhood needs did or did not get met, the way emotions were modeled or tolerated growing up by family, culture, or society.

When someone is inside of their window of tolerance, they are in a state of regulation. There is a mistaken belief in the therapy world (I've seen this especially when working with children) that regulation = a neutral, flat line.

That regulation means being completely calm. In truth, regulation Can mean calmness, but it can also include a full spectrum of feeling including grief, anger, ecstatic joy, disappointment, frustration, hope, pain, sadness, and every other emotion that exists.

The window of tolerance and a state of regulation is actually- the amount a person is able to feel and be with while still remaining present. For a person with an expanded window of tolerance, that can be a LOT more feeling than a flat line. That can look like deep feeling and experiencing of life.

How do we know when we are not inside of our window of tolerance? How do we know when we are not in regulation? There are 2 kinds of nervous system responses that we can have, and when we feel them, we can know that we are not in the present moment, grounded, and in embodied feeling.

One is when we leave our window of tolerance in an "up-regulated" way: this can look like the "light or flight nervous system responses. We may feel really impulsive, feel urgency (urgency is always the old story), feel like we need to run away, fight with someone or something, fix something Now, frantically people please.

In our body sensations: our legs may feel ready to run, we may instinctively look for the door or nearest exit, our hearts may be racing, heads feel very full, and we can feel our inner program be turned all the way "on".

Two is when we leave our window of tolerance in a down-regulated way: This is the "freeze" nervous system response. This can feel like numbness, nothingness, emptiness, disassociation, loneliness, or even like we are falling into an abyss, a black hole, a depression. This can feel cold, tingly, or like nothing at all, it can also feel sad, heavy, lethargic, sleepy, dead inside. You may feel like you want to stay stuck in bed, or sleep for a very long time.

How to return (or help a child return) to the window of tolerance, when a feeling feels too much, too fast, too big for the nervous system to process while still remaining present and embodied?

Here are some simple practices:

If dysregulated in an up-regulated (fight/flight/fawn) way:
1) Ground yourself, (feel your body on the ground, gravity pulling you down, keeping you here, grounded, tethered, rooted to the earth and the here and now)
2) Orient yourself to the room you are in. Look around. Notice what you notice. Colors, objects, shapes, textures, people. Use your five senses to feel into what you are sensing in the present moment.
3) Touch. Put a hand on your heart, body, face, head. Wherever feels good. Notice what happens when you use your sense of touch to bring you into the here and now.

If dysregulated in a down-regulated (freeze) way:
Use small movements. Wiggling your fingers and toes, moving your head from side to side. Notice if some aliveness and presence moves back into your body.

How can we expand our window of tolerance to safely feel more of life?

Slowly, consistently, and titrated.

Titration means to slow things down. Because trauma was anything that happened too much, too big, too fast to the system, in the trauma renegotiation we move slowly toward expansion.

The more we feel what it feels like to be inside of our window of tolerance, the more our system desires that space and brings us back naturally. So as we continuously slow down, and consistently do these simple practices, our system starts to repattern. As it feels safe, it's capacity to tolerate more deep feeling, more embodied experiences, and more sensations while remaining present expands.

Resourcing ourselves, (eating, drinking, moving, breathing, sleep/rest) is pivotal towards expanding our nervous systems capacity/window of tolerance.

"When we are not resourced, we regress developmentally" In that state of regression our window of
tolerance is contracted."

Taking care of yourself and your body is nervous system work.

Expanding our window of tolerance means expanding our capacity to feel more of life. The whole point of all of the healing work is to live, and experience life in a state of presence and embodiment.

So we can live, while we are alive.