Sometimes, we can be having one conversation on top of the table and a completely different conversation under the table.
Imagine this: you are having a conversation with your boss, your employee, your mom, your partner, your friend, or your neighbor.
The conversation sounds wise, intellectual, lots of words, some might call it a "word salad";)
On top of the table, you both sound like you have great points, you sound like you are respectfully disagreeing, and you both sound important.
Under the table, you are both acting out your childhood wounds and unmet or unfelt desires and dreams - to be heard, seen, loved, met and felt.
This happened to me in a conversation a few months ago. We were both speaking quickly, with lots of "important sounding" points. At some point I realized what was going on and I paused and said: "notice how we are having 2 conversations, one on top of the table, and one under the table? On top of the table, we both sound smart. Under the table we both deeply are asking each other for our need to be heard, to be met." We both laughed and it created great understanding and freedom from the unconscious behavior we were enacting. We also didn't shame the behavior- it's unconscious after all. And we do what we do, when we know what we know, and when we know better, we do better! (Paraphrasing my favorite quote from Maya Angelou)
Did you ever notice this happening in conversations?
This is a very common pitfall in the successful workplace, business relationship, love relationship and parent/child relationship. There's a conversation happening on the top of the table and a completely different conversation being enacted underneath.
How do we get out of enactments and into reality? By making the subconscious conscious. By making this phenomenon of under/over the table conscious.
Notice this week if you find a conversation that you are in where you start to become conscious of something else that may be taking place besides the words in the conversation.
Chani and I also talk more about this topic in our 2nd and 4th podcasts: Episode 2:The Possibility in Perspective; and Episode 4: The Possibility in Compassionate Communication
We heard feedback from so many people whose enactments began to become conscious to them, so they can be free. Happy Listening!
